Four months of WAITING...

Four months ago today our lives changed forever.  The experience that was already unique (having twins) was made even more complicated by the fact that our little baby Ben (baby B) had ruptured membranes.  So scared as we sat there waiting for answers, waiting for a guide as to what our new journey would look like... instead we were given a 50/50 chance that we would make it out of the next 48 hours still pregnant , and told to go home and WAIT. Waiting became the vain of our existence over the next three weeks at home, 10 weeks at Abbott and now 3 1/2 weeks with the boys still in the hospital.  As most of you know... patience may not be my strongest virtue! Endless weeks of waiting, hoping, loving, learning... crying, laughing and talking finally got us to January 14th... Nathan and Benjamin were finally here!!!  We were again scared, excited and told that the boys just needed time to grow and get stronger.  WAITING!!!  We are again being tested on our ability to stay positive, and to be patient!  I have often said to Brent over the last 3 weeks... "I think that we used up all of our patience on bed rest!"  I guess that when people say that becoming a parent changes everything... they are right!  It is no longer about what I want or what Brent wants or what we want as a couple, it is now about what Nathan and Benjamin NEED.  We have to be patient because that is what they need from us,,, we are their parents and it is our responsibility.  When I became a mom I knew that parts of my life would be different, less time for me, less money, fewer happy hours and more midnight and 2am feedings but also I knew that there would be the addition of love, a combined commitment between me and the person I love most in the world.  Little did I know that I would become a different person... a different nurse!  I will no longer look at a mother and wonder why it took so long to get to the hospital, or why a lost baby hat brings her to tears or why their heart breaks when the journey seems  to turn from days to weeks or weeks to months.  For my wonderful nursing friends out there, a few helpful hints... always introduce yourself when the parents walk into the room (it is nice to know who is taking care of your child while you are not there), if a mom looks like she is falling apart.... find out why believe me it will make your life easier and it will make all the difference to her.  For those of us who work in the NICU... I always knew that it was hard for families to walk out and leave their babies with us... what I never realized is that a little piece of your heart breaks as a parent when you leave your baby at the hospital... realizing that this isn't NORMAL... that it feels like everyone else just gets to have a baby and leave the hospital with them... and that for the 22nd day in a row you are forced to leave the hospital without your baby.  


Brent being far more "glass half full" and logical then myself often reminds me that we are lucky... we are lucky that we made it as far as we did, lucky to have wonderful parents ourselves, lucky to have so many wonderful friends and family, lucky that Benjamin and Nathan are doing as well as they are, lucky that we have gotten all this extra time to meet our boys and learn so much about each of their personalities... and of course lucky to have such a wonderful husband!  So on the the days where I'm impatient, tired and sick of being positive he is there to help me see that we truly are LUCKY! So we will continue to WAIT, wait for Nathan to grow, eat a whole bottle and have enough neck muscles to pass his carseat evaluation and wait for Benjamin to GROW, mature his lungs, learn to eat and pass his carseat evaluation.  Every time Nathan wiggles and makes little baby noises and every time Benjamin gets the hiccups and looks at me with those big blue eyes, I realize that these two little boys were worth the WAIT!  I have to hope however that the journey ahead of us is filled with more love and laughter and less anxiety and tears then the journey behind us!


We are so anxious to get these babies home and to introduce them to all the people who have loved and prayed for their safe arrival. Not only are they lucky to have so many people that love them... Brent and I are so lucky to have so many people that LOVE us!!! We simply could not have WAITED without each of you... the cards, the emails, the calls, the text messages, the visits, the food, the house cleaning, the dog walking and a million other things have made the journey managable!!  Thank you!


Hopefully both boys will be home by their original due date which was March 8th.  Nathan currently weighs 4 pounds 13 ounces and Benjamin weighs 3 pounds 13 ounces.  Both boys are doing well they just need time to grow and mature and get stronger... So Brent and I continue to wait because some day soon we will finally have our babies home with us and the waiting will be over!